Reflections on The Mind of Clover

Robert Aiken writes in his book in regards to the Sixth Grave Precept:

“Almost all of us respond immaturely to others and cling to the bushes and grasses we have created. We say, ‘He is a woman-chaser; she is lazy; that other person is aloof,’ and we react to these people accordingly. We distrust the woman-chaser; we avoid giving the lazy one an important task; and we turn our own resentment and aloofness onto the withdrawn person.”

How difficult is it to maintain Right Thought and Right Speech in the world of office politics? I feel overwhelmed on a daily basis by the energy and emotions of my co-workers and the constant gossiping that goes on. I admit that, over time, I have fallen more and more from my own moral views and have engaged in this behavior along with them.

As I was reading this chapter of the book, I kept thinking back to my work situation, the issues with my supervisors and the low morale of the department. I can readily admit that I respond immaturely to my supervisors in that I have labeled them. But, what does one do in the face of inefficiency and irresponsibility? In many areas they are clearly at fault, to the detriment of the department’s overall performance. I always maintain the practice of faulting myself first and others second, but when the faults continue to mount, one on top of the other, it becomes quite difficult not to become immature. I keep thinking to myself “why have I let it get this bad? Shouldn’t I have said something before?” I think, ultimately, I do not yet have a firm grasp of the protocol of office politics. At what point can one discuss short-comings with a senior officer? When is it appropriate to do so?

I had stated before that I have become quite self-indulgent in stirring the malcontent within the department. Now that the wheel has been set in motion, I don’t know how to stop it, or if it even should be stopped. I think my hope is that, as a department, we will all become more open and honest with one another, that we will development an environment that nurtures such honesty without the stress or fear of retaliation. We are all adults and professionals; we should act as such. The mind sometimes does not mature as quickly as the body; though I am 26, sometimes I act as if I were 15. Perhaps I can say of myself that my rebellious stage has come later in life.

Movie-Watching and Anarchy

Michael Moore’s newest political commentary came out this past weekend, Capitalism: A love Story, and I went to see it with one of my good friends. It seems that, every so often, some event comes by that forces me to re-align myself. This was definitely one of those events. Overall, Capitalism is probably one if not the best film Moore has done. But beyond that, it really synthesized for me a lot of smaller events that have occurred and made me really sit down and evaluate myself a little more.


For example, my sister was in town two weeks ago and we went to an anarchist bookstore to find some new literature for her to read and possibly relate to her dissertation. My first thought on entering was “wow, this is some serious reading”. But, in hindsight, it’s interesting that I would have such a response, considering I completed an interdisciplinary major which included studies of Islam, Buddhism, Hinduism, philosophy, religious art and architecture and Japanese language. This from a girl who historically has been a hard core reader. It makes me wonder what has transpired in the past months that has drawn me so drastically away from “serious reading” to yaoi manga, almost exclusively. Can it be simply explained away by stress at work, or an over-compulsion to relax? I don’t think so.


The second thought I had was more a feeling of unease. Typically I feel this way when around my sister – she is self-admittedly an anarchist – and I haven’t really taken the time to figure out the source. When all is said and done, I think I would have to label my political views as leaning towards anarchy as well, but, perhaps because of its historical connotations, I don’t like anarchy. Perhaps I should say that I take issue with anarchy for anarchy’s sake. I definitely believe that we need to break down the capitalistic system that has enslaved us and kept us blissfully unaware of our chains. But something must come out of that – there must be re-development after the fall. Capitalism spoke to this a bit in that the status quo of big business-run government needs to come to an end. But my problem arises in that, I don’t feel that I practice what I preach. Can one truly be anti-establishment and still run out and buy the latest tech gear? Or spend hours on end fruitlessly playing video games and reading manga? I find it a difficult task to balance the two.


But if I have to think about it, my entire being screams “anarchist”. I mean, this may very well have been the way I was taught to think in school, or it may just be my personality. Myers Briggs-wise, I’m an “Architect”; I restructure and re-imagine the status quo. I do this in almost every aspect of my life. I do it with knitting and crocheting by refusing to follow patterns. I do it at work by constantly questioning and defying my supervisor. I do it in cooking by not following recipes. But mostly, I think of the workplace situation. Whether intentionally or not, I think that I have taken people’s disillusionment and malcontent and roused it into a full-out uprising. The question is, is this for the good of the whole or for my own personal satisfaction? Probably the two are not mutually exclusive. Some days I feel that this is my calling – to disrupt the order, to rouse the masses out of their sloth into action. Wow…how incredibly self-serving. I feel like I need to apologize to my co-workers. But then again, the two are not mutually exclusive.


After watching Michael Moore’s movie, I feel that I should go back to the anarchist bookstore and check out some of the titles that jumped out to me. I should also go back to exploring my Christian-Buddhist philosophy and temper my ego. And perhaps I should focus my behaviors towards more productive projects.